This one took a long time to process

On Thurdays I don't go in until 10:00am. This is due to the fact that the new people in my office need to take training and so the people that don't need training get to pick up their slack. But alas, I'm off topic.

Thursday morning I get in, put my stuff on my desk, turn on my computer, and the phone rings. Since we are down a receptionist I answer it. Its my client, and she sounds, for lack of better words, out of it.

She tells me that she just got out of the hospital and won't be in group because her face is all swollen. I pause for a second and tell her that its Thursday, not Wednesday, and that she doesn't have group today. She is unfazed by this fact, but just reiterates that she cannot come to group.

I asked her what happened. She said her husband came home and was hallucinating that the police were in the bedroom, and that she was going to tell them what he was doing. He beat her, he locked her in the closet, he sexually assaulted her, he bit her, he hit and kicked her, he choked her. This went on from one afternoon until the next morning. 

In the morning he left her in the room, he woke up the kids, made them breakfast and took them to school. She called the police. He ran when the police showed up. She doesn't know where he is. She spent the night in the hospital, she had social services visit her house, she is bruised and beaten physically and emotionally. She has to deal with the aftermath.

And he, if he gets caught, he will get a slap on the wrist. Fuck everything about that.

Cocaine is a coping method

Today a client went into crisis. I'm not sure what sent her into it, but the end result was crying, apologizing, and generally a bad time.

She confided that after she left her abuser she became reliant on cocaine because it was numbing. It numbed the pain, the shock, the disbelief, the guilt, the sadness. It was her coping mechanism. She didn't want to feel, and she knew this drug would keep her from feeling.

Her abuser, whom she was/is still married too was a monster. Physically abusive, verbally abusive, sexually abusive. This is a man that blew up her car so she was unable to leave him. I think I might have done coke too.

This client was surprised when I told her that I understood why she did what she did. She was astounded when I didn't judge her. Who am I to judge? Who is anyone to judge? She did what was necessary for her to survive, there's no way I can disapprove of that. She realized, eventually, that it was a short term solution, and a bad one at that, and stopped using.

However, she desperately needs a therapist. I am not a therapist, although I do my best to listen. Our therapist is full. Where am I supposed to send a woman with Medicaid that needs therapy? And not just any therapy, therapy for domestic violence. The answer is almost nowhere. I'm trying to find her a place, but I don't know if I'll succeed.

That scares me the most.