Why doesn't couple's counseling work?

That was a question I was asked today.

Couple's counseling doesn't work in DV relationships for two reasons really. An abusive person doesn't think they are doing anything wrong, and an abused person isn't going to talk in front of their abuser.

Abusers don't take responsibility for anything they do. They will deny hitting someone, calling someone a name, raping someone, etc. Or, they will make it the victim's fault. "I wouldn't have to hit you if you'd just do what I asked you to", "I bought you this fancy thing, you owe me". You know, because they're classy like that.

An abused person, regardless of how much they need the therapy isn't going to say a word to that therapist. It is very likely that if they do, things will be much, much worse when they go home.

There's actually a third reason. The fact that you can't make a person change. An abusive person will not change just because you want them to. They will not get anything out of therapy because again, they aren't the problem, the abused person is. Which only serves to further demolish their self esteem and independence.